I am currently at about 17,000 feet and rising. To the right is a particularly stunning sunset just above the pacific. Off I go again to some company and do god knows what for them. I don’t even bother to prep anymore. There hasn’t been anything new since July and I don’t see anything new, just a sunset. I had at one time or another made some promise to myself never to become so bitter or jaded to lose the ability to enjoy a sunset, so I cannot tell if I am looking at it out of duty or not.
I now have two friends who say “I’ll call you back,” when they actually mean “I’ll talk to you later.” One of them, I am suspicious, worked it in. If so, bravo!
Stuff hasn’t come easy lately. I think I overdid the thoughts and desires to do this for real. I got a panicked call regarding my state and gave up (37,000 feet now). Well, not completely yet. Maybe it is a symptom of the general post holiday malaise I have fallen into. Yea, I’m going with that. I have pretty much given up on everything. I know I am usually short on goals and aspirations, but usually come up with something. I think my goal for today is get a good night’s sleep. Not much of a day in between when all you got is “I really want to go to bed tonight.” Yea, it is pretty stupid, but dragging myself from one plane to the next for some bullshit client that could probably do everything I do if they would just read the fucking manual. I guess you could say I am not high on my job right now.
Ok, I have to admit it, I still do love the sunset, I am not faking, can’t keep my eyes off of it.
I had a fantastic day yesterday and am glad that “I’m feeling antisocial.” didn’t mean me. Maybe I should mention the incident with the parking spot here. I really got stuck in my head. This is what I know would have happened if I was by myself. I would have drove off almost immediately with a wave and a smile. But you were there. I got flustered. Am I supposed to act macho here? We were driving around for a while, but I really didn’t care, spots come and go, and it all worked out fine. Anyway, I never should have yelled at that person and have felt bad about it. Not normal behavior.
So, where the hell am I going this time? This is what I think is really getting to me. I am heading to Scottsdale, AZ but that isn’t what’s bothering me. It is the client: A fucking designer of missile guidance systems. Oh, this is killing me inside. I am going to have to pay for this one for sure. I have never so directly, so knowingly aided and abetted a killer before. I may have been a rotten person many times in my life. I have been an insensitive jerk and lashed out at the ones I loved. I have done said and thought terrible things. I cannot help but believe that my actions this coming week will one day lead to someone’s death. Not cool.
Got it? Good.
I now have two friends who say “I’ll call you back,” when they actually mean “I’ll talk to you later.” One of them, I am suspicious, worked it in. If so, bravo!
Stuff hasn’t come easy lately. I think I overdid the thoughts and desires to do this for real. I got a panicked call regarding my state and gave up (37,000 feet now). Well, not completely yet. Maybe it is a symptom of the general post holiday malaise I have fallen into. Yea, I’m going with that. I have pretty much given up on everything. I know I am usually short on goals and aspirations, but usually come up with something. I think my goal for today is get a good night’s sleep. Not much of a day in between when all you got is “I really want to go to bed tonight.” Yea, it is pretty stupid, but dragging myself from one plane to the next for some bullshit client that could probably do everything I do if they would just read the fucking manual. I guess you could say I am not high on my job right now.
Ok, I have to admit it, I still do love the sunset, I am not faking, can’t keep my eyes off of it.
I had a fantastic day yesterday and am glad that “I’m feeling antisocial.” didn’t mean me. Maybe I should mention the incident with the parking spot here. I really got stuck in my head. This is what I know would have happened if I was by myself. I would have drove off almost immediately with a wave and a smile. But you were there. I got flustered. Am I supposed to act macho here? We were driving around for a while, but I really didn’t care, spots come and go, and it all worked out fine. Anyway, I never should have yelled at that person and have felt bad about it. Not normal behavior.
So, where the hell am I going this time? This is what I think is really getting to me. I am heading to Scottsdale, AZ but that isn’t what’s bothering me. It is the client: A fucking designer of missile guidance systems. Oh, this is killing me inside. I am going to have to pay for this one for sure. I have never so directly, so knowingly aided and abetted a killer before. I may have been a rotten person many times in my life. I have been an insensitive jerk and lashed out at the ones I loved. I have done said and thought terrible things. I cannot help but believe that my actions this coming week will one day lead to someone’s death. Not cool.
Got it? Good.
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