twice as much tomorrow.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
disapointment
It is easy to be a loser. All it takes is never doing anything, at least not doing anything right. You go around stealing, cheating, lying, getting by. No one expects anything from you and no one is surprised when nothing comes. This is the life of a looser.
A disappointment is something else all together. This is someone that people go on about having potential, talent, etc. and come close to fulfilling it and fall short time and again. This is what I am most often referred to as. Sure I get close and sometimes come through when needed. Enough to not be a loser, but not enough to be anything more than a disappointment.
I went to see someone today, I think it went well. I can become impatient with the process.
Finding light in darkness is usually not hard fro me. Every once in a while, I get scared. This happened to me last night. I am keeping company with a magical person, a great person. I have been gripped with fear. A disappointment is what I have always been. Is this what I will always be?
Please allow me to not be a disappointment this time.
A disappointment is something else all together. This is someone that people go on about having potential, talent, etc. and come close to fulfilling it and fall short time and again. This is what I am most often referred to as. Sure I get close and sometimes come through when needed. Enough to not be a loser, but not enough to be anything more than a disappointment.
I went to see someone today, I think it went well. I can become impatient with the process.
Finding light in darkness is usually not hard fro me. Every once in a while, I get scared. This happened to me last night. I am keeping company with a magical person, a great person. I have been gripped with fear. A disappointment is what I have always been. Is this what I will always be?
Please allow me to not be a disappointment this time.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
intermission
Hello. Accidentally bought a shirt today. If you don't know how this happens, you never will. If you do, well, the shirt is rad and I'm wearing it now. Been on a yoga binge so far this week, slept in once, and have had some coffee. I can really see how this no working thing would really never get old. I don't really understand the people who say they would get bored. I can go on and on like this forever. It rules.
Socially awkward people make life hard for all of us. Just because you are in a hurry, that doesn't mean, stand right up on my ass. I am not going to be able to finish what I am doing any faster just because you are closer and in fact, I may be slightly slower. It isn't easy to concentrate on whatever when you are worried that the person behind you has ass rape on his mind. Just a fact.
Waiting on a friend right now at a coffee shop. I am being so pretentious, with my coffee (black) tight jeans and mac laptop pretending to write something important. Everyone who has ever read this (as the title implies) knows this is about nothing at all. Being serious is not my forte. In fact, I am piss poor at it. I have been writing fiction the last two days. It has been draining. That is not to say that I haven't enjoyed it, I have. It is just by the end of the day, I am spent. I really have come to realize that it is very much like writing code. My social skills (whatever I possess) go right out the window. I suppose that isn't much of a consequence for getting to spend all day doing a hobby. I am not sure I know very many people whom have ever been able to spend days on end on their hobby. Yay sabbatical. I have to get going for now, friend is almost here and it is dinner time.
Socially awkward people make life hard for all of us. Just because you are in a hurry, that doesn't mean, stand right up on my ass. I am not going to be able to finish what I am doing any faster just because you are closer and in fact, I may be slightly slower. It isn't easy to concentrate on whatever when you are worried that the person behind you has ass rape on his mind. Just a fact.
Waiting on a friend right now at a coffee shop. I am being so pretentious, with my coffee (black) tight jeans and mac laptop pretending to write something important. Everyone who has ever read this (as the title implies) knows this is about nothing at all. Being serious is not my forte. In fact, I am piss poor at it. I have been writing fiction the last two days. It has been draining. That is not to say that I haven't enjoyed it, I have. It is just by the end of the day, I am spent. I really have come to realize that it is very much like writing code. My social skills (whatever I possess) go right out the window. I suppose that isn't much of a consequence for getting to spend all day doing a hobby. I am not sure I know very many people whom have ever been able to spend days on end on their hobby. Yay sabbatical. I have to get going for now, friend is almost here and it is dinner time.
Friday, June 5, 2009
sabbatical
Most of you know that today begins my sabbatical from work. I guess that is where I got the title from, yea, I am super creative.
Bitches! What is with Yoga in SF when the real deal teachers are out of town. I am not going to out and out bash, not cool of course, but it is hard to get all excited for a mediocre class, just saying. We are in SF, yo! and i guess i think they can do better. (dropping capitalization from here on out, see what else drops).
people moving out, people moving in. not really cause of the color of their skin. life is never stopping, always changing. i, for one, would be happy to relive today a few more times, it has been good so far, but it is just not possible. No matter how good it is, you cannot keep it, no matter how bad it is, it will end.
So, what is with people anyway? I got this person i am thinking of, who is a teacher of sorts. this person is supposed to set an example, right? isn't that what teachers do? i don't want to dwell on this too much. But fuck you douche. i hope you read this and i hope you wanna talk to me about it. i would love to have a little chat.
Oh, friend in flux. you are doing great! really. i know what is happening is really pressing on you and making the world seem sharp. i don't really know if it will ever be better, but if i had to bet, i would bet yes. i would bet on you.
there is this other thing that i have been interested in for a long time. that has gotten really great lately. i have basically stopped writing here because i have been feeling secretive or that i am invading another's privacy. well, i got some permission today, hope it doesn't get revoked.
i got me a darling, and i really like it. i realize that we must be a bit annoying to others. note to others: fuck you. yet there are others out there that seem perfectly pleased by us. there are many unsolicited smiles headed our way. whatever, i have an infectious smile.
my daughter is 5 and has a crush on a 30 something old man. she got a bit jealous of our friend moving in on her territory. it was fucking funny but also a scary view of times to come.
hey i forgot how much i like doing this.
it sucks to be closeted.
do you know what you get when you cross the sweetest honey with the smartest book and the prettiest picture and the most fragrant flower? i do.
i'm on a roll fuckers. watch out.
Bitches! What is with Yoga in SF when the real deal teachers are out of town. I am not going to out and out bash, not cool of course, but it is hard to get all excited for a mediocre class, just saying. We are in SF, yo! and i guess i think they can do better. (dropping capitalization from here on out, see what else drops).
people moving out, people moving in. not really cause of the color of their skin. life is never stopping, always changing. i, for one, would be happy to relive today a few more times, it has been good so far, but it is just not possible. No matter how good it is, you cannot keep it, no matter how bad it is, it will end.
So, what is with people anyway? I got this person i am thinking of, who is a teacher of sorts. this person is supposed to set an example, right? isn't that what teachers do? i don't want to dwell on this too much. But fuck you douche. i hope you read this and i hope you wanna talk to me about it. i would love to have a little chat.
Oh, friend in flux. you are doing great! really. i know what is happening is really pressing on you and making the world seem sharp. i don't really know if it will ever be better, but if i had to bet, i would bet yes. i would bet on you.
there is this other thing that i have been interested in for a long time. that has gotten really great lately. i have basically stopped writing here because i have been feeling secretive or that i am invading another's privacy. well, i got some permission today, hope it doesn't get revoked.
i got me a darling, and i really like it. i realize that we must be a bit annoying to others. note to others: fuck you. yet there are others out there that seem perfectly pleased by us. there are many unsolicited smiles headed our way. whatever, i have an infectious smile.
my daughter is 5 and has a crush on a 30 something old man. she got a bit jealous of our friend moving in on her territory. it was fucking funny but also a scary view of times to come.
hey i forgot how much i like doing this.
it sucks to be closeted.
do you know what you get when you cross the sweetest honey with the smartest book and the prettiest picture and the most fragrant flower? i do.
i'm on a roll fuckers. watch out.
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