restraint (special effects pt 2)

yea, that last post sucked. I just re-read it and realized I am not interested in rehashing what went on last week. I will, in time tell some of the stories, but I haven't processed it all yet.
I had a wonderful talk with an old friend this evening. Boy was that nice.
I got another call from a different old friend who provided perspective and one of those such sought after ah-ha moments. It was wonderful and frightening, but also actionable, serious upside when that happens. What is the point of an ah-ha moment that is past due.
the circle of phone wisdom completed itself with a practical application of my realization.
Some time ago I realized that I had no community. Wrong. I have no local community, but I have a fantastic network. We are far apart in distance, but close as hell in heart. Thanks.
I got some interesting comments about what I write here, freaked me out. Wanted to quit. This may sound weird, if you read this and like it, keep it to yourself. I mean that in the nicest way, but this is really hard for me to do and it makes it harder to know someone actually reads this crap. I can go on and on about this...past is past.
I have had some very uneven behavior lately, but I think, somehow things are changing for the better. I have found a core problem and have been facing it all day. I am not comfortable explaining it all here until I explain it to the person that is most owed the explanation.
Brain is in knots again over my perspective move to San Francisco. I believe in the depths of my soul that I need this for me, but am not sure what I am asking Eva to do is in any way reasonable. Ultimately, she will be fine but if I didn't consider her at every step, what kind of father would I be?
I have so much to say all of a sudden. unfortunately duty calls. More to come...

Good is restraint in the body; good is restraint in speech;
good is restraint in thought. Restraint everywhere is good.
The monk restrained in every way
is freed from all suffering.