esteem

I am having a self esteem problem right now. I am finding a hard time naming one person besides Eva who would miss me if I wasn't around. I am feeling that I am being out-josh'd all over the place. Don't cry for me. I am just trying to get down how I am feeling right now. I want so badly for my power to come back. To feel strong again. All I feel is apathy. I am not sure what I am good at or for. I continue to try and make myself available for favors so I can have a sense of purpose. I need to find a way to just like myself and be happy with who I am and desist impressing folks with this and that. If I am going to be on my own (and it sure seems like that is how it is going to be for me) I have to find a peaceful existence there. What do I do to make this happen. I know I need to go back to retreat and get my head straight for one. After that, I believe that I need to come out with some of the other things. Everyone has a closet, the gays have just monopolized the term. Trust me. There may be skeletons, secrets or some feelings hidden in there. What do you do when you are having such a good time that...
I move in a month. To where? Yea, I will let you know. Special thanks to the guide this weekend, that edge of fear I was feeling was dulled by your hand holding. I owe ya one.
Oh, one manipulator, manipulated against my manipulation and I end up with some egg on my face. Such is life in a manipulators breath. You play the cards you have. Sometimes, others have better cards than you. Time to fold them. Anyway, some may say such bad fortune. I say: We shall see.

Overcome the angry by non-anger;
overcome the wicked by goodness;
overcome the miser by generosity;
overcome the liar by truth.