fish in the sea, you know how I feel.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
disapointment
It is easy to be a loser. All it takes is never doing anything, at least not doing anything right. You go around stealing, cheating, lying, getting by. No one expects anything from you and no one is surprised when nothing comes. This is the life of a looser.
A disappointment is something else all together. This is someone that people go on about having potential, talent, etc. and come close to fulfilling it and fall short time and again. This is what I am most often referred to as. Sure I get close and sometimes come through when needed. Enough to not be a loser, but not enough to be anything more than a disappointment.
I went to see someone today, I think it went well. I can become impatient with the process.
Finding light in darkness is usually not hard fro me. Every once in a while, I get scared. This happened to me last night. I am keeping company with a magical person, a great person. I have been gripped with fear. A disappointment is what I have always been. Is this what I will always be?
Please allow me to not be a disappointment this time.
A disappointment is something else all together. This is someone that people go on about having potential, talent, etc. and come close to fulfilling it and fall short time and again. This is what I am most often referred to as. Sure I get close and sometimes come through when needed. Enough to not be a loser, but not enough to be anything more than a disappointment.
I went to see someone today, I think it went well. I can become impatient with the process.
Finding light in darkness is usually not hard fro me. Every once in a while, I get scared. This happened to me last night. I am keeping company with a magical person, a great person. I have been gripped with fear. A disappointment is what I have always been. Is this what I will always be?
Please allow me to not be a disappointment this time.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
intermission
Hello. Accidentally bought a shirt today. If you don't know how this happens, you never will. If you do, well, the shirt is rad and I'm wearing it now. Been on a yoga binge so far this week, slept in once, and have had some coffee. I can really see how this no working thing would really never get old. I don't really understand the people who say they would get bored. I can go on and on like this forever. It rules.
Socially awkward people make life hard for all of us. Just because you are in a hurry, that doesn't mean, stand right up on my ass. I am not going to be able to finish what I am doing any faster just because you are closer and in fact, I may be slightly slower. It isn't easy to concentrate on whatever when you are worried that the person behind you has ass rape on his mind. Just a fact.
Waiting on a friend right now at a coffee shop. I am being so pretentious, with my coffee (black) tight jeans and mac laptop pretending to write something important. Everyone who has ever read this (as the title implies) knows this is about nothing at all. Being serious is not my forte. In fact, I am piss poor at it. I have been writing fiction the last two days. It has been draining. That is not to say that I haven't enjoyed it, I have. It is just by the end of the day, I am spent. I really have come to realize that it is very much like writing code. My social skills (whatever I possess) go right out the window. I suppose that isn't much of a consequence for getting to spend all day doing a hobby. I am not sure I know very many people whom have ever been able to spend days on end on their hobby. Yay sabbatical. I have to get going for now, friend is almost here and it is dinner time.
Socially awkward people make life hard for all of us. Just because you are in a hurry, that doesn't mean, stand right up on my ass. I am not going to be able to finish what I am doing any faster just because you are closer and in fact, I may be slightly slower. It isn't easy to concentrate on whatever when you are worried that the person behind you has ass rape on his mind. Just a fact.
Waiting on a friend right now at a coffee shop. I am being so pretentious, with my coffee (black) tight jeans and mac laptop pretending to write something important. Everyone who has ever read this (as the title implies) knows this is about nothing at all. Being serious is not my forte. In fact, I am piss poor at it. I have been writing fiction the last two days. It has been draining. That is not to say that I haven't enjoyed it, I have. It is just by the end of the day, I am spent. I really have come to realize that it is very much like writing code. My social skills (whatever I possess) go right out the window. I suppose that isn't much of a consequence for getting to spend all day doing a hobby. I am not sure I know very many people whom have ever been able to spend days on end on their hobby. Yay sabbatical. I have to get going for now, friend is almost here and it is dinner time.
Friday, June 5, 2009
sabbatical
Most of you know that today begins my sabbatical from work. I guess that is where I got the title from, yea, I am super creative.
Bitches! What is with Yoga in SF when the real deal teachers are out of town. I am not going to out and out bash, not cool of course, but it is hard to get all excited for a mediocre class, just saying. We are in SF, yo! and i guess i think they can do better. (dropping capitalization from here on out, see what else drops).
people moving out, people moving in. not really cause of the color of their skin. life is never stopping, always changing. i, for one, would be happy to relive today a few more times, it has been good so far, but it is just not possible. No matter how good it is, you cannot keep it, no matter how bad it is, it will end.
So, what is with people anyway? I got this person i am thinking of, who is a teacher of sorts. this person is supposed to set an example, right? isn't that what teachers do? i don't want to dwell on this too much. But fuck you douche. i hope you read this and i hope you wanna talk to me about it. i would love to have a little chat.
Oh, friend in flux. you are doing great! really. i know what is happening is really pressing on you and making the world seem sharp. i don't really know if it will ever be better, but if i had to bet, i would bet yes. i would bet on you.
there is this other thing that i have been interested in for a long time. that has gotten really great lately. i have basically stopped writing here because i have been feeling secretive or that i am invading another's privacy. well, i got some permission today, hope it doesn't get revoked.
i got me a darling, and i really like it. i realize that we must be a bit annoying to others. note to others: fuck you. yet there are others out there that seem perfectly pleased by us. there are many unsolicited smiles headed our way. whatever, i have an infectious smile.
my daughter is 5 and has a crush on a 30 something old man. she got a bit jealous of our friend moving in on her territory. it was fucking funny but also a scary view of times to come.
hey i forgot how much i like doing this.
it sucks to be closeted.
do you know what you get when you cross the sweetest honey with the smartest book and the prettiest picture and the most fragrant flower? i do.
i'm on a roll fuckers. watch out.
Bitches! What is with Yoga in SF when the real deal teachers are out of town. I am not going to out and out bash, not cool of course, but it is hard to get all excited for a mediocre class, just saying. We are in SF, yo! and i guess i think they can do better. (dropping capitalization from here on out, see what else drops).
people moving out, people moving in. not really cause of the color of their skin. life is never stopping, always changing. i, for one, would be happy to relive today a few more times, it has been good so far, but it is just not possible. No matter how good it is, you cannot keep it, no matter how bad it is, it will end.
So, what is with people anyway? I got this person i am thinking of, who is a teacher of sorts. this person is supposed to set an example, right? isn't that what teachers do? i don't want to dwell on this too much. But fuck you douche. i hope you read this and i hope you wanna talk to me about it. i would love to have a little chat.
Oh, friend in flux. you are doing great! really. i know what is happening is really pressing on you and making the world seem sharp. i don't really know if it will ever be better, but if i had to bet, i would bet yes. i would bet on you.
there is this other thing that i have been interested in for a long time. that has gotten really great lately. i have basically stopped writing here because i have been feeling secretive or that i am invading another's privacy. well, i got some permission today, hope it doesn't get revoked.
i got me a darling, and i really like it. i realize that we must be a bit annoying to others. note to others: fuck you. yet there are others out there that seem perfectly pleased by us. there are many unsolicited smiles headed our way. whatever, i have an infectious smile.
my daughter is 5 and has a crush on a 30 something old man. she got a bit jealous of our friend moving in on her territory. it was fucking funny but also a scary view of times to come.
hey i forgot how much i like doing this.
it sucks to be closeted.
do you know what you get when you cross the sweetest honey with the smartest book and the prettiest picture and the most fragrant flower? i do.
i'm on a roll fuckers. watch out.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
heat
Dealing with the heat in one way or another was the order of the day. Cooling down now. This is one of those times where I know that there is something to be written, but don't know what yet. Bare with me. I have a cooked brain and am not sure where to start. Begin at the beginning, I suppose. Saw the Black Keys last night. Took the bike over the bridge with AJ. It was the first time for AJ on the freeway. We partook at the show and it was an incredibly pleasant ride back. As for the show, fucking amazing. Besides their incomparable rhythms and tones, it continually struck me how unreal it was that so much sound came from just those two guys. Swirling rhythms and improves mixed with BK standards. Great time.
I did have one problem with this show. It was at the Fox theater in Oakland. This is a fantastic venue. It has been completely remodeled and beautifully furnished. I have nothing against the venue itself, but it is in Oakland. Yes, this is SF snobbery, but seriously, why are all the big acts going over there to play instead of here? The marketing department at the Fox must be amazing and be run by very powerful people. I have tickets to 4 shows there in the next 2 months and have seen only one live act since moving here. It seems to me that one shouldn't have to leave SF in order to see top acts. Something must be done.
Set out for 9am yoga this morning and it just about killed me. I am not sure what I did wrong yesterday, but I suspect it was not drinking enough water. I could barely stand at the end of class and almost vomited during. I had to pull my mat out of the studio with a pool of sweat in it's center and emptied it discretely. Even in this heat, my towel is still not dry. The upside is that I gave it my absolute all and lived. It was a good day of practice. I dedicated my practice to someone different today and that person called me unexpectedly. Hope it helped.
The rest of the day. AJ and I headed over to Bi-RITE and got fixins for smoothies and a few snacky things. Neither of us felt like eating right then so we made the smoothies, drank them in my backyard (yea, on the couch out there too.) and packed up for the park. I have to admit, it has been a long while since I have been in weather that hot, completely exposed. Due to the extreme sun and in no small part to the day's earlier practice, I got some heat stroke. We were only able to stay in the sun for approximately 2 hours, returned to my place and vegged out with True Blood for a few. Then it was nap time.
I laid down for about an hour and the heat stroke passed. I got myself up and took a long walk in the hood. There were so many people out, full of zest and zeal, the energy was amazing. I returned home, read, watched and wrote with very little focus. Here we are, at the end again. We are all connected. Take care of your neighbor and you take care of yourself.
Things that are empty make a noise,
the full is always quiet.
The fool is like a half-filled pot,
the wise one is like a deep still pool.
I did have one problem with this show. It was at the Fox theater in Oakland. This is a fantastic venue. It has been completely remodeled and beautifully furnished. I have nothing against the venue itself, but it is in Oakland. Yes, this is SF snobbery, but seriously, why are all the big acts going over there to play instead of here? The marketing department at the Fox must be amazing and be run by very powerful people. I have tickets to 4 shows there in the next 2 months and have seen only one live act since moving here. It seems to me that one shouldn't have to leave SF in order to see top acts. Something must be done.
Set out for 9am yoga this morning and it just about killed me. I am not sure what I did wrong yesterday, but I suspect it was not drinking enough water. I could barely stand at the end of class and almost vomited during. I had to pull my mat out of the studio with a pool of sweat in it's center and emptied it discretely. Even in this heat, my towel is still not dry. The upside is that I gave it my absolute all and lived. It was a good day of practice. I dedicated my practice to someone different today and that person called me unexpectedly. Hope it helped.
The rest of the day. AJ and I headed over to Bi-RITE and got fixins for smoothies and a few snacky things. Neither of us felt like eating right then so we made the smoothies, drank them in my backyard (yea, on the couch out there too.) and packed up for the park. I have to admit, it has been a long while since I have been in weather that hot, completely exposed. Due to the extreme sun and in no small part to the day's earlier practice, I got some heat stroke. We were only able to stay in the sun for approximately 2 hours, returned to my place and vegged out with True Blood for a few. Then it was nap time.
I laid down for about an hour and the heat stroke passed. I got myself up and took a long walk in the hood. There were so many people out, full of zest and zeal, the energy was amazing. I returned home, read, watched and wrote with very little focus. Here we are, at the end again. We are all connected. Take care of your neighbor and you take care of yourself.
Things that are empty make a noise,
the full is always quiet.
The fool is like a half-filled pot,
the wise one is like a deep still pool.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
safety
Well, it doesn't feel like a vacation yet, but I hope he will start to soon. Met a lovely person last night. How did it happen.
Let me be clear here, I am writing tonight because I have been remiss in my duties. I got about a thousand words in me and one boring story in me tonight.
I had some pretty mild mannered plans for last night. I made some mazo ball soup for AJ and I to share for dinner. We had some wine and enjoyed some music while waiting for V to come out to play. I had previously never met V and was looking forward to it. We were getting either tired or restless waiting and headed outside to the kilowatt.
You know what, the middle of this story is, no, the truth is, this is personal and private. I was not an observer, but a participant. I don't feel right putting this all down.
We had a tough night and day but things turned out just right.
My life has been flying by lately. Happiness. Honestly, I guess I am too scattered.
What a wonderful city i live in, you can stay here any time.
Let me be clear here, I am writing tonight because I have been remiss in my duties. I got about a thousand words in me and one boring story in me tonight.
I had some pretty mild mannered plans for last night. I made some mazo ball soup for AJ and I to share for dinner. We had some wine and enjoyed some music while waiting for V to come out to play. I had previously never met V and was looking forward to it. We were getting either tired or restless waiting and headed outside to the kilowatt.
You know what, the middle of this story is, no, the truth is, this is personal and private. I was not an observer, but a participant. I don't feel right putting this all down.
We had a tough night and day but things turned out just right.
My life has been flying by lately. Happiness. Honestly, I guess I am too scattered.
What a wonderful city i live in, you can stay here any time.
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